This is my testimony, my life story about disobedience and rebellion against God which got me involved in drink, drugs, violence, serious crime, prison and the death of my beautiful partner and resulting in me being on the verge of suicide. Then God showed me his amazing love for me. He showed me that whatever terrible things I had done in my life, that by sending his precious Son Jesus Christ to pay the penalty for my sins and the sins of the world on the cross of Calvary, that my old life was gone, he had given me a new life, healed heart, mind, body and soul, a new life of joy and happiness, and now serving him for his glory.
I was a very shy and quiet child at school and had a good family even though my father died when I was 13. My mother did the best she could, I went to church, because mother was a Christian, till I was 15 but I didn't believe in God. I left school and started hanging around the streets in a gang, getting into trouble, although I was still quiet and shy but had terrible anger and hate for the world inside me. At 17 I started drinking, it was like an evil spirit that came out of me and my face physically changed to an angry one, and this anger would eventually come out of me. I started fighting every night, it didn't matter who they were. Whatever reputation they had I would just want to hurt people with fists, knives, axes or whatever I could use. I was barred from most pubs and was sent to a borstal for attacking 8 policemen with a knife. It was a dark violent place but I loved it there I felt right at home, but instead of being a place of punishment it made me more aggressive and violent. I came out and continued where I left off, back into pubs and clubs and onto the streets looking to harm anyone who was unlucky enough to meet me. It was not long before I was involved in all sorts of crime, burglary and fraud, and then went on to being a street robber. With armed robberies and financing drug dealing I was out of control and in and out of prison, but not caring about anything or anyone. I was getting more twisted, more violent, more evil; I stabbed my cousin and robbed a drug dealer who then hung himself over what happened. I just moved onward into the dark violent path I was on. I had all the wealth, cars, motorbikes, sold jewellery, but I never felt happy and I hated myself for the things I was doing to people. I had no friends because anyone that got close to me I beat up. Then one day I met a beautiful girl called Angie, she was like no one I had met before, happy, funny with the most gorgeous smile; I was instantly in love and she moved in with me that same day. I was up in court for 12 charges of violence, fraud and robbery etc, but as Angie was pregnant I didn't want leave her alone while I went to prison again so I went on the run for 2 years with her and my new born child Craig. I was one step ahead of the police, living in bushes and abandoned houses and having to go out robbing just to survive, but after 2 years I was caught.
After spending time on remand, not getting into trouble anymore, I was drinking a lot more and now started taking amphetamine as well. I missed the crime, I missed hurting people, and the drink and drugs replaced that buzz I got from violence. Angie then got pregnant once more and gave birth to my daughter Claire. I had a perfect loving partner and 2 great kids but I still wasn't happy with this hate and anger just eating away me inside and every so often it would explode in violence. I spent 18years with Angie but then at Christmas time 2007 my life changed forever. By this time I was drinking two bottles off vodka a day and had now been drinking for 27years was also spending £50 a day on speed, which I had been on for nearly 10years. My mind had completely gone I was hearing voices telling me to kill people. I was planning to murder my family, calmly planning it inside me, with a monster inside me bursting me to get out. I had passed my name on to be a contract killer because I had no thought for my human life, hated everyone except my Angie who was beyond that hate; I loved her to death. On 18th December I talked her into taking speed; I promised that she would be okay, but she collapsed on the cold kitchen floor, awake but unable to move. I was that high on drink and drugs that I left her there for 3days, just stepping over her to get more beer. My son pleaded with me to help her but I said we should just leave her. Finally, 3days later I came down off the drugs and realised what I had done. She was rushed to hospital, her kidneys had packed in and she was in intensive care on a life support. Then the doctors told me that she would die by Sunday night. I sat there at her bed holding her hand for 3days not sleeping or eating, just praying to a God that I did believe in to help Angie. I was broken, this so called hard man crying like a baby and shaking. On Tuesday night after fighting and showing more courage in those 3days than I had shown in my life, she died in my arms, aged 38. I'd lost a stone in weight and I just wanted to die; my only reason for living had died and I told my mum and my kids that I was going to take an overdose. My son and I slept on my 80 year old mother's floor, I was just waiting for the moment to kill myself, but my mum kept going on about God and Jesus dying for my sins and saying that if I asked God to forgive me he would answer my prayers. I'd never believed in God, I thought I was invincible, so I just laughed at her and asked her to just leave me alone to die. I was addicted to drink and drugs, had so much hate in me and now had the death and guilt of Angie on me after my mum going on about Jesus and also wanting me to meet a man called Aram Kay. I finally gave in and said that I would visit the church just to shut her up. That day I turned up at St Peters in Rock Ferry unshaven and a mess and a broken man inside and then I went inside and saw this amazing man stood before me. He was a church evangelist, Aram Kay, and his face was glowing, he had so much joy, love, peace and happiness just gleaming out of his face so that I couldn't take my eyes of him. He came up to me and I just broke down in floods of tears asking him why he looked like that. He said he was a guilty sinner like I am now but that the God who created the heavens and the earth wanted a relationship with me, but because God is holy he cannot look upon sin. He said that everyone in this world is a sinner so through God's great mercy he sent his Son Jesus Christ as a living sacrifice who went to the cross of Calvary to die for the sins of the world. But, he said, God raised him from the dead to be Lord over all things and that if I asked God for forgiveness, say sorry and believe that Jesus died for me and that I want him as my God, he will forgive me, give a new life and a place in heaven for eternity to serve him. I rushed home to my mum's, got on my knees and prayed, "Lord God, I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and to take the punishment for every wrong thing I've ever done in my life. Please forgive me, please put your loving arms around me and make me your own forever. Even though I've messed up everything, please help me to live for you because I give my life to you, I now belong to you."
The next day I woke up, and praise be to God, what a feeling I had, I was healed, heart mind, body and soul. My evil violent heart had been replaced by God's love for me, all that violence and anger was gone. My mind, which had been completely twisted, was healed; I just saw love and what Jesus had done for me, dying for a monster like me. I boast in Christ when I say this, but my 27year addiction to drink and my 10year addiction to drugs had gone overnight. No more medications, no withdrawals, from that moment on I was completely healed. My sister, who is a psychiatric nurse in Clatterbridge, said that it was, by medical standards a miracle, but nothing is impossible for God, who healed me. My sin, my evil, my rebellion towards God was taking me to hell, a place of pain, darkness and suffering, but by my repentance and faith in Christ, I have a place in heaven for eternity. When my physical body dies my eternal soul will go to heaven to be along side my Lord and Saviour Jesus, where it says he will give me a new body that cannot die, cannot age, with no pain, no death, just joy and happiness as you serve him for eternity.
My life is now amazing, I feel like I've been in darkness all my life but now have been brought into his amazing light. This happened 2years ago and I now work as a volunteer 5days a week at the Charles Thompson Mission, a church but also a daily drop in centre for drug addicts, alcoholics and the homeless. I've got so much joy and happiness and a love to serve Jesus each day. Everything I do now is by the strength of his Holy Spirit, who lives in me, and I do it for his glory. It's great to be able to sit down next to people and to be able to tell them that time is running out and that Jesus is coming again to judge the world, a day when everyone will stand before his judgement seat. I pray that the Lord will use this story to encourage whoever reads this, and that, like me, you can be truly happy with Jesus in your life no matter what you have done in the past, drink, drugs, prison it doesn't matter. Jesus loves you, just come before him, say your are sorry, believe he died for you and ask him into your life to change you. You will know the true meaning of living, like I have found in this life and for eternity. AMEN